When you sleep
by SillyIsabella
Summary: I knew, deep inside, that if I saw her now, it would be impossible to rip myself from my angel, from her lips, from her soft skin... but I needed to see her. Takes place during New Moon, ExB


_**Disclaimer: All characters and books belong to Stephenie Meyer **_

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**When you sleep  
SillyIsabella  
**

I sat in front of her house, my arms around my legs, rocking myself softly. I closed my eyes and tried to convince myself that I was strong enough to turn around, to keep my promise, to leave her alone. I knew, deep inside, that if I saw her now, it would be impossible to rip myself from my angel, from her lips, from her soft skin, from _her, _but I needed to see her.

'Ok' I whispered softly, talking to myself 'just check if she's safe and then _leave, _no excuses' I concentrated on convincing every cell of my body that it was the right thing, that I had to do it for her, for her humanity, for her happiness. I repeated it over and over again, trying to forget about my selfishness, about my love, about the monster I knew I was.

Swiftly, I stood up, deciding it was better to do it quickly, not to get distracted. I jumped through her window silently, finding it was open, despite the freezing weather. I smiled to myself, did she leave it open for me? I snorted at myself, of course not, she had provably gotten over me by now, as any human would do.

As soon as I stepped into her bedroom her scent dissolved any resolution I had previously made and my love and obsession roared back to life, not allowing me to ignore it for even a few seconds. Not that I could do it for any period of time really, but I had fooled myself enough to believe I could… just a little.

As soon as I laid my eyes on her I knew I was lost, and for good. I gasped at her beauty, not that I had forgotten her, or haven't thought of her, but seeing her for real was so different, so beautiful, so… unpredictable.

I didn't realized I was walking towards her until I stood right beside her bed. She was fast asleep, her arms around her pillow, and her hair scattered around her face, not allowing me to see it, as if she was hiding herself from me, from a monster. She inhaled deeply and, as if she had smelled me, she turned around to face me, causing her hair to slip to one side, revealing her angelic face.

I surveyed her face slowly, not missing a single detail. Her features were completely relaxed, as they used to be every time she slept, but there was something different in them, somehow. I tried to convince myself it was only because I hadn't seen her in such a long time but I couldn't push the feeling away, as hard as I tried. There was something distant about her, lost, nearly dead. I was more that the extreme paleness of her skin, or the shadows under her eyes, it as if, even asleep, she was missing something about herself, something important, something essential.

'_Well__, humans change, you can't expect her to be the same forever' _a soft voice whispered in my head and I nodded in response, or maybe as a reassurance that it was true, that the change was normal and I should have expected it.

I kneeled down, and stayed still as a statue, just marveling about her beauty, wishing I could kiss her lips one more time, trying with all my might not to do so. I rememorized the way her pink, full lips, were slightly parted, the way her eyelashes trembled lightly, with every breath she took, the way her chest raised and fell in a rhythmical pattern, the sound of her heart, beating gently, the way one of her feet was about to fall off the side of the bed. Instinctively, I reached out to rearrange her, as I used to do every night I slept with her, but I stopped myself just in time, taking my hand back slowly and painfully.

I had to touch her, feel her heat on my cold, hard skin, enjoy the silkiness of hers. Slowly and carefully I reached my hand towards her face but stopped half way, doubting. She frowned, as if punishing me for not going further, but then her frown deepened, an she moved around uncomfortably. She moaned softly and a single tear ran down her pale cheek.

Then, silence. She laid still as a statue, not even breathing for a moment or two and then took a sharp intake of air, tossing herself from one side to the other, crying in fear, mumbling incoherently. My hands fluttered around her, trying to calm her down without touching her, without any result. Actually it seemed to get worst, she was screaming now, completely out of control, so I did the only thing I could think about. I picked her up and wrapped my arms around her, humming in her ear, stroking her face.

I felt in heaven, with an angel in my arms, and as she relaxed into my arms I wished I could stay like this for ever, enjoying her warmth, her presence, her beauty. She was everything I had, she was my drug, she was my everything.

As she leaned on to me, she spoke clearly, and for a moment I thought she was awake, 'Stay' she whispered, 'Don't leave me, please'. It seemed each word tore her apart as much as it stripped my heart away.

'Bella, I love you so much angel' I whispered so gently I wasn't sure she had heard me. A small and strange smile played in her lips, but if left as soon as it had came and I knew in that same moment that I had to leave, that it was my last chance to give her the life she deserved, that if I stayed a single second more, I would me lost in my selfishness and would stay with her forever.

Gently I settled her down into her bed and tucked her up carefully. She stirred, aware of my absence, as I rushed out of the window, to the cold air of the night, before I got lost in her for ever, as I dreamed to be. I shut the window after me, as a reminder of my prohibition to see her again, and began running, as fast as I could, away from my angel, from my Bella.

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**This was actually a little warm up, before I start writing a long story, so if you like it please let me know.. I really need encouragement to write something, and what could be better than reviews? and if you don't like it, please tell me as well, so I see what I can change.  
Thank you Smog, for all your help, and for being the best beta reader ever. This Oneshot is entirely dedicated to you. **


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